Skarsbutt!

“If there were an international butt competition, Eric would win, hands down—or cheeks up. He
would get a large, large trophy.”
~ Sookie, DTTW ~

It’s been too damn long since we’ve had some decent Skarsporn.

Go nuts.

Source: askarsgard.com

And I’m posting these because I guess someone might find them sexy…or just funny…like I do.

But really, Alan. Of all the man-on-man you could have done?

Really?

Pennydreadful thinks Sam and Bill’s love-in might play out something like this….

Bill: I find myself strangely in the grip of a powerful homoerotic attraction to you, Mr. Merlotte. Might I call on you sometime?
Sam: (with innocent bewilderment) Call on me?
Bill: Yes, might I visit with you at your home…so that we may engage in physical congress?
Sam: (still confused) Physical congress? I’m confused…I didn’t think you vampires had the right to vote.
Bill: I was asking if we might enjoy the sweet forbidden bliss of coitus together…
Sam: Dammit, Bill…stop using all those high falutin Victorian euphemisms. Anyone would think you’ve been cryogenically frozen for the past 150 years. Now what exactly do you want?
Bill: Hot sweaty mansex in your trailer?
Sam: (pauses) Oh hell…sure why not. You can come back to my place but if you tell that I have a “lovely home” you’re going to get a nasty introduction to Mr. Stake…

New poster – Me and my Sis

At first glance, you’d think Sam might be getting a sibling.

Perhaps Collie’s weren’t in vogue in 1962?

Source: hollywoodcrush

True Blood Minisode #4 – Sam

Sam gets violent with various garden implements, before taking a figurative piss on Maryann’s head.

Okaaaay then.

Source: taliasmara

Just Sayin’

Season 1, Episode 2: First Taste

Sookie is bashed by the Rattray’s while Sam lurks around the parking lot. Bill feeds Sookie his blood.

Season 2, Episode 11: Frenzy

Eric: Why should I help you? Shifter.
Sam: Because I need your help. We need it. And hopefully some day I might be able to give you something you need.

S: So can you help us or not?
E: I do know someone who might be able to offer something useful…might.
[And Eric “might” help you Sam. If you give him something useful in return.]

S: You have my cellphone number. [He does? Since when?]
E: I’ll let you know if I learn anything of use to you.

Bill: That was really quite desperate of you. Trickin’ her into drinking your blood, so she became attracted to you.
E: Unlike you, who fed her your blood the very night you met.
B: How do you know that?

E: So you’re not denying it?
B: AH WUZ SAVIN’ HER LAHF.
E: Isn’t that convenient?

Shifty shifter is SHIFTY.

Just sayin’.

Charlaine Harris – Is Eric “worth it”?

Here’s some teasers from an interview the girls at sookiestackhouse.com did with Charlaine Harris a few days ago.

You can listen to the full interview at their site, and I took the transcript from here (thanks J9!)

Such a great interview – the questions are really insightful. I’m so sick to death of reading interviews with Charlaine that are all about True Blood… it’s great to see some meaty questions about the books for a change.

Some interesting excerpts:

Q: When it comes to Eric, you have stated in the past that Eric is all about Eric, and we know that there are some Eric supporters who genuinely feel that Eric has genuine feelings for Sookie. And then there are other readers who feel that Eric uses Sookie as a means to an end. Is there a chance that you can tell us how you personally perceive Eric’s involvement with Sookie?
CH: I personally feel it’s a little bit of all of the above. I don’t think there’s any one right answer to that.

Q: Considering how Sookie is now married to Eric—according to vampire law—will Bill respect her decision, and is it possible for Bill to move on with his life?
CH: Well, he doesn’t really have an option with that.

Q: Despite the fact that Sam doesn’t want to be involved in supe politics, he seems to know everything that happens. How does he find out this information so quickly or when will we find out Sam’s role in the supe world?
CH: Well, he certainly follows the supe website very closely, and I think that’s how he gets most of his information. Plus, he’s got a lot of friends in the supernatural community.

[Ummm….WHAT? I’m telling you, there’s something coming down the line with Sam. Supernatural website? COME ON!!]

Q: Is there anything you really regret that you put into the book series?
CH: Oh, God, yes. The blood bond. I really regret that. You don’t know how much I regret that. I must have answered, like, a million questions about it until finally I just said, “Okay that’s it. I’m not answering any more questions about the blood bond.” You know, I wish I had really never, never, never thought about the blood bond.

Q: If you were Sookie, what would you consider?
CH: I would consider whether the good part of being Eric’s girlfriend was worth the bad part of being Eric’s girlfriend. I would consider what the future was likely to hold if I stayed that close to him.

Q: We want to know if you want to leave a message for your fans?
CH: Well, I do hope they’re gonna buy the next book, and I also hope they’re gonna like it. It has a very big ending—an almost Shakespearean ending—and I hope that it isn’t, you know, too over the top. But it was a heck of a lot of fun to write. Just come along with me—I’ll show you a good time.

Tonight’s Season 3 Promo

And this weeks victim is… Sam.

So who’s got the gun?

And more importantly, why the fuck is Sam always sleeping in his car?

Source: jussunique

Just Sayin’

S1 – Episode 9: Plasir D’Amour

Bill: Sookie must be protected.
Eric: Now that sounds like an edict. But it couldn’t be…because I would know about that.

S1 – Episode 10: I Don’t Wanna Know

Sam: I thought you, of all people would understand.
Sookie: Why? Because I’m dating a vampire?
Sam: Because you of all people, know what it’s like to live with a secret.

Sookie: I don’t hide who I am.
Sam: I’ve wanted to tell you for years!
Sookie: I kissed you! And I know you wanted to do more than that.
When were you gonna tell me? Before? Or after?

S2 – Episode 12: Beyond Here Lies Nothin’

Bill: I am grateful that you would reveal your gift for the sake of the town.
Sam: It took me this long to realise that you suffer alot more hiding something, than you do if you face up to it.
Bill: *guilt face*

Sam’s moment of clarity foreshadows Bill’s betrayal.

Just sayin.

Sam and Bill – My Slashy Senses are Tingling

Ausiello is reporting today a confirmation from Alan Ball that Sam will face horrible consequences for drinking a gallon of Bill’s blood in the season 2 finale.

Sam shall be tormented and tortured in a hillbilly hotel room with Bill sex dreams!

Sucks to be you, Sam Merlotte.

Since my preferred slash coupling – Eric and Lafayette – don’t look like being realised on screen any time soon, this will just have to do for now.

I was utterly convinced that the consequences of Sam drinking from Bill would be completely ignored next season, with only Sookie and Laf enjoying the sleepy-time benefits of ingesting vampire blood. So I’m really pleased to see some attempt at continuity in this storyline.

But you know there’s a rant coming, and here it is.

After the finale (when I had calmed down enough to think rationally) I wondered if – and how – things would play out between Sam and Bill in the future. I’ve ripped this directly from my little notebook of conspiracy theories, written last September:

One of the following two scenarios must play out after Sam having Bill’s blood. Either:

Sam starts having sex dreams about Bill – since both Sookie and Lafayette are having them about Eric, while insisting that there is no sexual attraction at play. If it’s true there is no attraction (at least for Lafayette), Bill/Sam dreams must occur – since Sam definitely has no sexual attraction towards Bill whatsoever. This means the blood can cause attraction where there was none before.

OR

Sam has no sexy dreams about Bill. In this case, we should get a clearer indication that Lafayette does in fact have a boner for Eric, just as we all know Sookie does. Therefore the blood only intensifies feelings that already exist, either consciously or sub consciously.

So it appears we are getting the first scenario. In Ball’s world, the taking of blood can cause sexual attraction. This is a major departure from the books, where the blood can only intensify an attraction that already exists.

In Ball’s world, Eric (and Bill, for that matter) are manipulating thoughts and feelings, and by extension the actions, of others through their blood. This is so fucking stupid. It removes any genuine emotional conflict and complexity, and lays blame for what remains with the blood. The blood becomes a crutch. Feeling attraction for a vampire that isn’t your boyfriend? Oh don’t be stupid, it’s the blood. Feeling hot for a guy that locked you up in a basement for a few weeks? Nuh-uh silly, it’s just the blood. Suddenly having fantasies about the dude who is dating your crush? That damn blood again! This approach is significantly less interesting than forcing characters to face up to what may lie behind those feelings, and it treats the audience like idiots who need to be spoonfed. The issue of blood ties generally, and the blood bond between Sookie and Eric is sometimes frustrating for book readers. But it is also compelling and beautiful and filled with potential. It is complex, unpredictable and mysterious; we are never quite sure how it’s playing into the characters feelings and actions. This, on the other hand is Blood Ties For Dummies. Blood Bonds for the Masses. It’s insulting, actually.

I’m not really concerned about the implications for Sookie and Eric – her attraction to him was evident well before the bullet sucking in Dallas. And of course, Eric is still one up on Bill, having a genuine interest in Sookie without ever having tasted her. I think both of these factors support an argument for the tables being turned on Bill and Eric at some point down the line – the “evil” one genuinely loves her, the “noble” one turns out to have feet of clay.

You can be sure that as the first real clarification of how blood exchanges are going to work in True Blood, this will be jumped upon by certain sections of fandom to support the case that Eric is an evil, manipulative bastard. Nothing new there. Yet I would also point out that playing things this way has huge implications for Bill and Sookie too. While Sookie was interested in Bill before she had his blood, she went completely into overdrive immediately after the second night when he fed her after she was bashed. Masturbating on Bill’s porch? I don’t think she made a habit of self-pleasuring in public before that incident. Combined with Bill’s comments in Dallas about having “sexual feelings” for Eric after drinking his blood, surely Sookie is going to have to start joining the dots here?

Enjoy that pretty ring Sookie…I have a feeling it won’t be on your finger for long.

Why Sam is not The Man

I’m going to come right out and say it. I have very little respect for Sam and I will absolutely spit chips if he is Sookie’s happy ending. Yes, I think he’s a Nice Guy. But even if the Viking was DEAD (you know…properly dead), I still wouldn’t be feeling it with Sam.

I am not buying Sam as Sookie’s happy ending in any make, shape or form.

Sam has done nothing to earn Sookie’s love
Sam has done little more in the books than whine about Sookie putting herself in danger, whine about her choice in men, and then sit around waiting for her to fall into his lap. He’s a lurker – less creepy in his lurking than Bill, but a lurker nonetheless. Sam’s a sweet guy, but can someone please tell me why he would deserve Sookie choosing him after everything that she has experienced? He had 5 years to make his move before Bill showed up. He didn’t. Then she suddenly became the supe version of a porn star, and still he has not had the balls to go after her with any conviction. What is wrong with him? There is a reason that his animal of choice is a dog when he shifts, and I’m not buying that it’s because most people like big puppy dog eyes. Dogs also put up with alot of shit for no return.  And while we’re on the subject of the proverbial, where is Sam when it hits the fan? He is almost never there.

If Sam is going to be the HEA, Charlaine needs to get this boy busy. He has been sitting on his backside pulling beers for nine books, while everyone else has practically killed themselves for Sookie. And I’m supposed to believe that he is worthy of her? Give me a break. Eric, Bill, Quinn, Calvin and even Alcide, have all stuck their necks out to save this woman’s bacon at some point. But not Sam. Nuh-uh. Yet I am supposed to take him seriously as a suitor? No Ms Harris, I will not. You have to show me more.

Sam is A Plant
From a story-telling perspective, I wonder if Sam’s role in this story is to provide an option for the readers who cannot accept the logistics of a long term human/vampire relationship – no matter who the vampire is. They wouldn’t invest in Eric, they wouldn’t invest in Bill…they wouldn’t invest in anything dead. The ageing issue, and the children issue are deal breakers for these readers. Sam provides an obvious solution to both of these dilemmas and keeps these readers invested in the story.

On my tin foil hat days, I wonder also if Sam is a plant – literally. Eric seems to know an awful lot about what goes on in Sookie’s life during the day and he also seems to show up at the oddest moments (like every time she lands her sorry arse in the hospital after yet another beating). We all know there is no love lost between Sam and Eric, but they have also shown that they are both capable of sucking it up where Sookie is concerned.   Is there is a reason Charlaine has all of these supes and weirdos showing up to see Sookie at work?  Is there a reason so much plot seems to play out at Merlottes, and especially in that goddamn parking lot?  It has bad mojo, and if I were Sookie I wouldn’t be setting one foot out there anymore without an armed guard.  OK I will grant you this theory is a bit out there. But seriously – how the hell does Eric know half of what he does about who comes to visit her and what is going on in her life?  There are too many examples of it to list – perhaps it’s another post – but I’m sure he has a man on the ground, and this has been going on since before the blood bond.

Sam can’t watch Sookie’s back
This one is a major problem for Sam. Let’s take stock of where Sookie stands right now. Her reputation as a telepath is universally known amongst both supes and humans. Also widely known in the supe world is the fact that her great grandfather is Head Honcho el Fae, she is the ongoing obsession and Achilles heel of a vampire sheriff to whom she is blood bonded, and she has a influential shifter of rock star status pursuing her to boot. She is in tight with the King of Nevada and his peeps. Let’s face it – our girl has a Rep. She is submerged in this world up to her neck, and she will never be able to just walk away from it. She doesn’t want to walk away from it either – for the first time in her life she is important instead of crazy to those around her. She likes the ego stroke, and the work she does appeals to her “inner helper”. Nope, the best Sookie can hope for is to find a way to live within this world safely, and to retain as much control as possible over her own life while doing so.

Sam has professed a sheer loathing for politics and he is not at all happy about Sookie’s involvement with the supe world in general. He could never stand beside her in the life she is destined to lead. And he doesn’t have the resources, the contacts or the wits to watch her back while she lives that sort of life either.

He dates women who have it in for Sookie
Callisto? Oh yes, that was a sound decision. Why not encourage the maenad that almost killed Sookie in the woods and then tried to send her bonkers.
Tanya? A spy sent by Debbie Pelt’s parents, in an attempt to get Sookie to slip that she committed a murder. Way to impress the object of your affections Sam – date women who want to do her in or get her thrown in jail. Not strong points in your favour.

Sookie doesn’t need Sam’s sperm donation
“Sookie wants babies” is apparently the deal breaker for her being with a vampire – and by inference the strongest point in Sam’s favour.
Sookie is many things – but she is not recklessly irresponsible. Particularly when it comes to family. Sookie’s notoriety within the supernatural community means that she might as well paint a target on the kids forehead and sit them in the middle of Club Dead for some supe to come and claim. Her children will never be safe, and they will make her vulnerable as well. Does she really want children anyway? Or is it just that before her life took the turn it did, she thought children and marriage was the most she could aspire to as a small town barmaid? Much has changed since that Sookie was calling the shots, and in the later books she hasn’t been clucking like she used to. Sorry folks, there will be no itty bitty booties for our girl. Which brings me to….

Hunter – the kid with substitute child written all over him
From the moment Hunter, Sookie’s telepathic nephew by her cousin Hadley – appeared on the page, Team Pro-Vampire sat up and took notice. Here we have a child with Sookie’s abilities, a dead mother, and a father who clearly has no freaking idea what he has on his hands…much less how to defend him until he is old enough to take care of himself. This child is already a target – albeit a dormant one for now, and he already needs protection. Taking on Hunter is a far cry from making the decision to bring a child of her own into the dangerous world she inhabits.

My prediction – towards the end of the series, Remy will die (possibly defending Hunter from a kidnap attempt or worse once he ends up on the supe radar), and Sookie will spend a whole book tracking him down and hunting Remy’s killer. Sookie will then take Hunter in. Don’t you think that would make a nice parallel – the orphaned telepath takes on another orphaned telepath to raise and protect? I like it, but it can’t happen until the end. Sookie can’t be running around trying to get herself killed and screwing hot viking vampires on her kitchen table at all hours with a 4 year old in the house *snicker*.

I guess my overall problem with the idea of Sookie and Sam is that I’ve really seen nothing to convince me that either of them genuinely want each other in that “I have to have you” kind of way. Sam just feels like settling to me, when Sookie’s life and her destiny are calling for so much more from her. It would just feel like one big fat let down – like she went through all of those experiences only to end up where she started, and yet not really having come “full circle”. I want to see her grow and evolve as a person, embrace her talents, and be appreciated for them. Sookie is too much woman for Sam to handle, and I think he knows it.